Jade Grrrl

It's better

2009-12-21T20:43:42Z

So me and Josh talked it out a little more today.

He texted me and said "So what do we do....." and then I was like "try to fix this" and he was like "what should we do until we fix this" (which i really hope he wasn't implying breaking up, but then again he could've just been implying should we just leave each other alone for a day or two) but I told him we fix it now. I told him we're just having a not so great moment (like every relationship has) and that we just work on it.

Then he says he feels really terrible about last night, and I told him that I am still upset, and told him that I miss, enjoy and love him so much it makes me really sad/upset when I don't see him for longer than 7 days.

He said he feels the same way and that's why he got upset at himself last night.

I also let him know, that he did not fuck anything between us up because I don't want him to feel like he as to break up with me because he's not making me happy or because he's not good enough.

I do feel a lot better after we talked for awhile, but I'm not going to lie I am still a bit upset from last night still.
I told him that we would get through this and he said "Of course we can get through anything" so that's a relief that he's really trying.

It's weird. I don't think he ever intentionally makes me upset/tries to upset me but he's just oblivious to a lot of things, which makes him not use good judgement about some things. I'm not saying that Josh is dumb because I think he's quite intelligent, but he just lacks common sense.

Nothing he does would ever make me love him any less, and that's a fact.
He can upset me to the point I want to destroy the earth, I will eventually forgive him.

Yeah, he's upsetted me before as well, but he makes me happy more than upset.
I'm pretty sure I've done things to upset and fustrate him as well too.
But I do enjoy the fact that our communication is getting A LOT better.

I really do love him, and I want us to continue to be together.
He's an amazing boyfriend and I wouldn't trade him for any other guy.

EDIT: Later tonight I asked him how was he feeling and he said he's okay and could be better then he asked why I asked, than I told him I was concerned that's all. Then I asked him if he feels any different or is doubting anything because of what happened last night and he said no and asked me was I and I told him of course not. Then I was like "it was just on my mind and I had to ask, is that okay" and he told me it was fine, and that he was actually glad I asked (:

We're having normal conversations again! He told me he was making me something for xmas, which I really wish he wouldn't have told me and made it a suprise but oh well n__n;;

I am still

2009-12-21T07:43:47Z

not feeling well.
I cried so much today my eyes are still burning.

To be honest, I can see myself being upset at my boyfriend for a bit.
It may honestly take a couple of days.

He promised he would "fix the mess he made" and "makes it up to me"
His negligence towards me really hurt me tonight :/

Let it snow, let it snow let it snow

2009-12-19T08:24:44Z

At 2 this afternoon I was cruising up the road going 85 miles per hour trying to get to work.
When I got off at 7:30 I was traveling at 20 miles per hour. It was snowing so much. My car spun out and I almost got into an accident. Driving in the snow is kind of terrifying, especially when you live in an area like me where it doesn't snow every year, or when it does it doesn't stick. I was suppose to get off at 11, but the snow was falling so hard our store actually closed early.

I should've stopped by my boyfriend's house, because I've never been kissed in the snow and I wanna kiss him! It would be such a beautiful thing. Hopefully when I get to spend time with him Sunday, the snow will still be falling and I'll get to kiss him! Josh and I also made plans to go sledding (: Oh and I talked to him about the eating contest and submitting a picture and he's totally up for it so we'll be doing that as well! I wish Josherzzz was here to snugle me warm though D: I am freezing my ass off and I want to be in his arms getting all warm and cuddling and kissing :D

Ahhh anyways, is it bad that I have a love/hate feeling about my body?

I like the fact I have a flat stomach, but I hate the fact that I am not as curvy as I want to be makes me sad. I don't like having a boyish body ): I mean, it's better than having a muffin top or jelly rolls but still. I get jealous when I see super curvy girls in swimsuits. I guess it's not too bad though because Josh enjoys it >:D

Oh also you can see my Nightmare before Christmas necklace? I brought that today a long with a crap ton of other Nightmare Before Christmas (NBC) stuff. Today at work, we had this sell where all NBC products were 50% off, and with my employee discount that was even better so I got two NBC Car seats (28 dollars each) , two NBC floor mats for my car (18 dollars each), an NBC necklace (12 dollars), an NBC blanket (20 dollars), an NBC button pin (1.95) and a pair of legwamers (6 dollars) all for 41 dollars and some change. That's one of the pros about working my job. You get the sale price AND your employee discount. I am a huge Nightmare Before Christmas fan and yeahh (:

When I got home I played so much in the snow and took lots of silly pictures of me playing in it. The snow angel picture was a bitch though. I was laying in the snow and my bare back was on the snow @__@

I thought the picture with the snow on the swing came out real pretty :D

Anyways I'm really cold. I'm probably going to have to call into work tommorrow because yeah, the snow is too unbearing. I will work on Sunday though, then after I get off I am going over to my boyfriend's house and possibly spending the night if he wants me to still :D I feel bad for getting mad at him last night because of that girl. I told him what was wrong and he forgave me. He did say that the fact that I get upset/mad/worry easily kind of fustrates him a little, so I am going to try to not get upset/mad as easy.

FOOD! :O

2009-12-17T03:47:21Z

I saw this thing on T.V.
I didn't get the full description of it but it's like, you can submit photos of you eating a huge meal (contest style) to the man vs. food show site thingy.
I don't know if it's a contest or not, but I want to enter it!

I think me and my boyfriend should enter it because he's a fattie inside! :3333
I'll make like an extremely giant taco (it will be a vegetarian taco of course) and we will get someone taking a pic of us chowing down on it! Haha yeah I'm gonna talk to him about it tommorrow when he wakes up! Right when I was about to tell him he goes to sleep D:

This is awful.

2009-12-13T20:26:54Z

So yesterday, I had a bit of a toothache and a bit of a headache alongside.
I did nothing about it. Before I went to bed at 5:30 last night I said to myself "I'll take something for it in the morning big deal"

At 8:30, I wake up crying in tears because I have the most obnoxious tooth ache and an extremely painful headache. My sinuses are acting up again. Let me inform that sinus headaches are 2093840283 times worse than a migrane.

My headache was so bad, if I layed down on a bed or pillow, it would make it worse because of the pressure. I took 3 anti biotic pills and 2 pain killers (vicoden). I think a bit of the reason I got this is because I haven't been taking my antibiotics properly. Anyways after like 30 minutes, the pain was STILL intense so I took another antibiotic and another Vicoden. So I kinda dosed off for about 45 minutes then my mom woke me up, and after that I had a hard time resting again. I was still feeling extreme pain. I finally took regular headache medicine (2 pills) which afte another hour sarted to make me feel better.

I don't really feel the headache anymore, and my mouth hurts a bit, but not as bad.
For the most part, I am just high off pain killers right now.

Sleepless

2009-12-04T04:57:33Z

I have been awake for almost 33 hours straight.
I'm really tired and I should go to bed.

Tommorrow Josh and I are going to get my nose pierced, then I am spending the rest of the friday with him <3

I'm so excited.

Fuck.

2009-12-01T09:36:36Z

I am digging the song "bad romance" by lady gaga.
I was like ew lady gaga and then I heard the song while randomly flipping through TV and I was like "hey this has a catchy tune" and now I downloaded it and now I feel like dancing.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Plans left and right

2009-11-29T08:55:54Z

Tommorrow is Josh's first gig and I am going to support him <3
The other night he said the sweetest thing to me that made me smile so muchhhhhhh~
As we all know one of my biggest fears when it comes to him is the band becoming more than just "something fun/a hobby" and not having enough time for me. I finally talked to him about it and he said "Your not gonna get left behind baby, im gonna make sure of that. All this band stuff is really exciting and shit, but im not gonna ditch you for that. <3"

That made me smile so much (Yes I have that text locked in my phone so it's his exact words) :3

I swearrrrrrrrrr
I am also am stoked because it's the first time I'll see him in 8 days.
I love him so much and although I don't particularly care for the band, I want to support him in anyway possible.
He bought me a ticket and everything :3

Monday I was suppose to hang out with my friend Ally, but then Brandon made plans to hang out with me and since I think Brandon is a cooler person I'll hang out with him instead. Tuesday I have to work. Wednesday and Thursday I'm doing nothing. Friday me and my friend Janni are going shopping. Saturday I have to work.

And if Josh is interested in spending time with me (since we probably wont get to spend enough tommorrow cause of the gig), I'll hang out with him any day but Monday. Monday I have to hang out with my bud Brandon though cause I haven't seen him in months and that's the only day he's available.

Neglect feeling

2009-11-26T00:03:32Z

As much as I put on a front, I am still bothered by the fact Josh doesn't spend enough time with me.
I really wish he would make more of an effort to see me. He always says he's bored. If you're bored, why not spend more time with me?
Ask me if I'd like to come see you, invite me somewhere with your friends.
Last week when we got into that argument, he got upset when I said "You probably don't even care if you see me that much".
At first I felt bad for saying that, but now it's like I don't. I don't because you act like you have more important things to do than spend time with me. It's not like you're busy. You go to school for like 4 hours, come home at 12 and you have band practice twice a week. You don't work or anything.

That's all I want. That special attention from you.
You do not give it to me. It's not my fault that I sat here, fell in love with you and want to spend time with you more often.
Most of your "bros" also has girlfriends, and from the way I observe it (from what they post on facebook), they even spend more time with their girlfriends than you do me. They actually know how to balance friends with a significant other. You put your friends before me and it's not right.

I'm glad you have your license now and that you'll be getting a car soon, but why do I feel like even after you get a car, we'll still be seeing each other once a week (sometimes twice). Now that we both have licenses, I would like at least 3 times a week.

I may sound clingy, but I just want to spend more time with you. I want you to appriciate me more than you do. You are not a bad person, you're actually a really sweet guy, you just need to learn how to balance everything.

My boyfriend is an individual that I adore, I fell in love with, someone who is one of the most important people in my life.
I wish we could just work on this and I want to let him know, but I'm so scared of talking to him about it because I'm scared he's going to leave me. I really love my boyfriend so much. I think about him every night before I go to bed. I see myself cuddling with him.
He's the person who can make me smile everytime I see him. I get uncontrollably excited everytime I see him. I feel safe when I'm with him. I get butterflies when he's close to me, I cry when I miss him too much. I giggle uncontrollably when he kisses my cheek a bunch of times. I feel so warm when I'm snuggling him. I love having him around me. It's hard to leave him at night to come home. When I hug him I don't want to stop. I really do love my boyfriend, and deep down, I honestly believes he does too and I believe he cares about me dearly. Only flaw we should spend more time together. I'd love that dearly. I'm not saying we have to ride each other's clit 24/7, but three times a week would be lovely. I understand he has friends and just wants to chill with them, but it becomes a bit nervewrecking when you spend so much time with your "bros" your girlfriend feels inferior to them. I don't believe in "bros before hos" at all. I believe in balance. I just want him to appriciate our relationship more and all will be good.

I am pissed

2009-11-24T21:54:41Z

My god damn cable isn't working and the bill is paid.

Rant.

2009-11-20T18:24:30Z

I refuse to have sympathy for people who make excuses constantly.

Apparently my friend texted me today, telling me she hasn't eaten in 4 days because she has no money.
Then she says "I have no money because so and so owes me 40 dollars, YOU owe me 10 dollars, blah blah owes me 20 and someone else owes me 10.

First of all, even if I did give you back that money, you would still be broke. It's 10 dollars.
Second of all, I'll give you back that money when I have enough money to give it to you and still have enough left over.

She complains about how her mom asks for a lot of her money from her disablity checks and how she gives someone else a large amount too all the time. Your mom needs to get up off her lazy ass and get a job. I told her that too and she said "my mom can't work because she's mentally unstable". There are PLENTY of people in this world with mental disorders who have successful jobs. I find that an excuse. That's why there is medication, therapy, etc. Your mom should NOT be mooching off your child. I understand if her mom actually had a job or two, and was trying to support a large family and then asked her for some money, yeah that's one thing. But your mom just sits around and uses the fact she is mentally unstable to not get a job. I think that's nothing but an EXCUSE. If she's mentally challenged (in other words, "retarded"), that is one thing, but being bi-polar or having anxiety should NOT keep you from working and supporting your family. If she's schitzo (which I highly doubt she is), then there is medication for that to keep it under control. There are people out there who are in wheelchairs, missing arms, blind, deaf, etc who are out there making money, because they actually TRY. It really pisses me off when I see parents who put NO effort into getting a job, taking all of their childrens money like that. She also says the state won't let her mom get a job (which I also think is an excuse). Then that's when you need to take it to higher power to fix that, but then she makes up another excuse "I dn't have that time on my hand"

Anyways, I honestly don't even think SHE should be getting a disability check herself. She needs to WORK for an earning. Really, I mean I'm bipolar, and I have a job (I've actually had two jobs and I worked them just fine). I mean, I have had my days where it's affected me and my performance wasn't so great, but overall I'm doing fine and I've kept the same job for a year and a half.

She also claims her friends don't have any money to loan her 2 dollars to get a cheeseburger and sweet tea off the dollar menu. You mean to tell me there is not even a bag of CHIPS in your dorm? I say "then why don't you file for food stamps" and she says "nobody will take me there unless I give them gas money". I mean it's just excuse after excuse after excuse.

It got to the point she was still complaining about her finacial situation and I just said "ok" and stopped replying to her.
I don't even care anymore. I'm not going to sympathize and try to help out someone who's acting like a complete moron.
Don't come crying to me because you haven't eaten in 4 days because at this point, I don't even give a damn anymore.
Go outside and eat grass.

5 reasons I want to cry at this moment

2009-11-18T08:39:56Z

1) I have a sore throat and I'm still coughing a lot
2) There is no food in the house
3) I have a painful lump under my arm
4) I am very cold
5) It's been 11 days since I've seen my boyfriend and I miss him so much

Fuck you meteors!

2009-11-17T07:08:05Z

Making me stay up all damn night, because you catch my interest. I want to take pretty photographs of you showering the sky, but you are refusing to fall from the god damn sky like you told us you would! I want to see and witness your beauty so hurry up please!!

Better day today :D

2009-11-16T02:43:19Z

Well, we both apologized to each other this morning for the way we acted towards each other last night.
He also said "I hope this doesn't fuck anything up".

He seems it really worried that it would.
Of course it's not going to fuck anything up.
It was a small argument.

But yeah, I am really happy now so we're back to normal (:
I miss him soooooo much though I really want to just be in his arms and cuddling and kissing him.
It really pains me when I don't see him for awhile.

Today at work, apparently I got the most people to sign up for this new thing we are doing.
I am doing good with that. I feel proud of myself.

Dear Boyfriend...

2009-11-15T05:20:13Z

Listen, I'm sorry okay.
I don't want to argue or for us to be upset at each other.
I want us to work through this.

Yes, it did kind of upset me that we planned this, and you ended up doing something else thinking you could manage it when it really messed up things.

But then I added fuel to the fire by kept going on and on.
I should've been greatful that I was going to get to see you later, even if it wasn't as early as we planned.
If I wouldn't have got upset, we probably could be together spending time together right now, instead of me sitting here typing this.

I have a bad habbit of getting upset, when I don't get what I want when I want it, and at the moment I wanted to be with you AT THAT MOMENT, no later. I should've just forgave you when you apologized.

While most of this was your fault, a portion was mine as well.
Only reason it's your fault is because you could of have said no when they asked you to go sell tickets with them.

I was just more so upset because I really missed you like crazy and I wanted to see you.
I love you so much, I can't stand being away from you for too long. It's already been 7 days.

I shouldn't have said what I said to you, you know about how you probably don't even care if you spend time with me or not.
That was wrong, although at that moment I honestly did feel that. I was not calling you stupid either.

I'm so sorry, and I don't want us to be over because of this, I really don't.
I just want to work through this, and hopefully we can spend time together Monday.
I told you I would be busy on Monday, but turns out I don't have an appointment, it's not until Thursday.

You may make me upset sometimes, and I'm sure this won't be the last, but overall you make me happy.
You make me smile like no other. Everytime I see you, I smile.
You cheer me up when I'm down, and I am so lucky that I found someone like you.

Please can we just get through this baby? This is my apology =/

On other note, today my friend cheered me up a bit. After my boyfriend wanted to just go to bed and not talk about this more tonight, I texted my friend and apparently I texted him at a bad time. He responded "Damnit Jade, I was in the middle of having sex with someone lmao"

I'm not going to lie, it did make me laugh a bit.

I am sick

2009-11-12T22:22:37Z

I have a stuffy nose, I'm coughing a bit and I have a sore throat.
I'm going through tissues like crazy, I have a bit of a fever and i'm starting to gain a headache.

My sore throat and coughing still hasn't stopped me from popping a damn cigarette in my mouth though xD
It's really cold in my house.
I'm wearing a hoodie, a shirt, jammies and slippers and I'm under like 2 blankets and I'm still cold.

I wish my Josherzzz was here to cuddle me and make me soup to make me feel better ):

I hate the weather. It's been raining since Tuesday (and now it's thursday) non-stop, and it's really windy and the air is really cold outside.
I want sun damnit! I don't mind the wind or the coldness, but I honestly hate the rain.
I've also been sick for the past 3 days

I can't stop smiling!

2009-11-12T03:11:12Z

My boyfriend actually remembered today is our 3 months!
It was such a happy moment for me and I'm still smiling!

Then the moment got ruined when I went to go tell my mom how happy I was and I tripped off my bed and rolled on the ground xD

Me and him around May <3
I have more, but this one is my absolute favorite of us :D

Asshole.

2009-11-10T20:46:37Z

I am so irritated right now.
My boyfriend's friend is being completely rude to me, it's getting ridiculous.
He keeps bringing up the fact I threw a tantrum and how everything that happened that night was my fault, despite the fact he wasn't even there. Seriously, you need to grow up. So I got a bit irritated and may have acted a bit irrational. Like I said, everyone has done it before, and everyone will do it again.

He claims that my existance is useless, and how he doesn't like me. He also claims that he has no real reason he doesnt like me, my existance annoys him or some stupid shit. I think it's funny how I've known him almost as long as I've known my boyfriend (I met him through my boyfriend), and he didn't have a real problem with me until that incident that happened in october happened.

GROW UP.
If you don't like me, whatever.
But don't be a complete rude douche.
There a couple of people I don't like, but in no way am I mean to them.

I think it's funny that I somehow got under someone who barely even knows me skin so much.
He thinks I'm annoying, that's fine. That feeling is definatly mutual.
It's weird though, 95% of the people that don't like me are the ones that barely know me (like him).

But his opinion doesn't affect me too much. Yeah, I got irritated at his rudeness, but I'm pretty sure overall, I'll continue living fine.

What also made me a bit upset is at first, my boyfriend stood up for me, then later it sounded like he was implying I was about as childish as his friend was for arguing back. I was arguing in a pretty mature manner. I did not insult him, talk shit about him or anything. I am going to defend myself. I love my boyfriend with all my heart but I'm going to be brutally honest, he really can't talk about handling situations in a mature manner when he chased someone away with a stick last month from anger. His friend has been saying negative shit to me on facebook for about a month now (ever since that incident happened, which everyone has seemed to move on from except him...HIM who wasn't even there). Most of the time I ignored him/deleted his post but today he pushed me too far and I stood up for myself.

Ugh this was just one big fuck of a mess.
To be honest, I don't like having enemies, but it's whatever.
You want to pass judgement on someone you don't know, that's your ignoranace not mine.

College?

2009-11-09T19:42:17Z

So this morning I went up to John Tyler Community College to register for enrollment and all of that stuff.
I got there, had to apply online, I automatically got in (every applicant automatically gets in since it's just a Community College).
Then I took a placement test, apparently I scored real high on the Reading and English part, but my Math was awful.
Ha, when they saw my english and reading they actually asked me was I in AP classes in High School and they assumed I was a really smart kid so they recommended me a bit of harder classes. Except for in Math of course I assume they put me in some sort of slow class, since my math scores isn't on a college level yet.

To be honest, I know I'm capable of doing higher classes but I decide not to because it's more work.
I'm going to college simply for the hell of it. I'm bored during the day time, I need something to do and I work like once or twice a week at my job anyways. I was never planning to go to college, so it's no big deal for me.

But yeah. Ive been there since 7:30 this morning and I just got home around 2:30 this noontime.
It took FOREVER.

I am thinking about dropping this history class.
Apparently I didn't know what I was doing, so the counselor just suggested these classes and with no knowledge of what is going on I just agreed. Then I got a better explination and decided this schedule might be a little too busy for me at the moment so I might drop history and take an elective or some shit whatever they call it.

Sat-er-dai

2009-11-09T05:38:16Z

Saturday I got to spend time with Josherzzz.
He invited me to a play, which I probably wouldn't have got to go but he paid for more than half for me to get in.
Then after that, I got to meet some more of his friends, some which seemed excited to meet me.
One of his friends rushed over to me and said "So you're Josh's girlfriend, it's nice to finally meet you" and gave me a handshake xD

I have some of my boyfriend's friends added on facebook, but I never met a few of them until last night.
Saturday night was pretty fun. Me and him cuddled, kiss and were a little naughty!
We didn't have sex though, but lots of foreplay.
We actually have not had sex yet, and I'm perfectly fine with waiting.
I'm glad that we are not rushing our relationship.
Our relationship is perfectly fine without having actual sex, although I am ready to whenever he is.
Relationships are more about sex, and the relationship I am in is actually proving that point to be right.

It was so funny when my mom decided to call me while I was tinking his tonker though xP We both couldn't stop laughing!

I reminded him that the 11th was our 3 month, and he actually remembered that it was :D
I'm so happy he did <3
He's going to get a nice suprise next time I see him!~

I am really hoping that around New years eve he'll want to spend it with me.
Sometimes I'm scared that on big events and holidays, he'll spend it with his friends instead because yeah, I already am a little upset sometimes at the fact he spends way more times with his friends than me. I'm scared his friends are gonna wanna do something crazy, and he'll be like "I want to have a bro-night" which I hope not. You can't spend every holiday or big event with your 'bros' because that'll make me upset and feel less inferior to your 'bros', haha but I don't know I'll see what's on when the time is closer near.

I also sliced my finger wide open on a razorblade, that I don't know how it happened.
Anyways, the new episode of metalocolypse is now on and I'm gunna watch this!

Y.Y

2009-11-06T05:06:15Z

I miss my boyfriend so much I want to cry right now ):
I wish I could see him more oftennn.
I love being with him and being in his arms.
Grrr >:(

We probably won't get to see each other this week because he has to work lights for a play and the play is going on all weekend.

Also I went to the dentist and got prescribed something else.
What I had last night was a severe allergic reaction.

Restless much?

2009-11-05T09:26:25Z

It's 4:24 a.m and I cannot sleep. I am tossing, turning, having a hard time breathing, itching like crazy and hallucinating. I don't know if it's the medication I'm on or what but it's making me lose my mind. I am sleepy as fuck, but I cannot seem to sleep or sleep in peace. I'm about to just scream. I hate this. I have to be up in 3 hours for a dentist appointment.

EDIT: I know why I feel this way. Last week the dentist prescribed my Hydrocodone to help with this pain I am dealing with in my tooth. Since some of this stuff didn't start happening until after I started taking this, I searched Hydrocodone. This medicine has intense side affects. The COMMON side effects that has affected me is diziness, being lightheaded, nausea and drowsiness. I also have some of the "less common" side effects which is itching, an allergic reaction, a racing heartbeat and delirium.

There are many other side affects of this medicine, but I only listed above the ones that I currently have. As far as things like anxiety and major mood swings, I've been had that way before I started taking this medicine. I think I'm going to stop taking it. Of all the side affects, the itching and allergic reaction is the worst. I may have taken a little more than I needed too as well the reason why I feel this way. I hate this. Medication helps with one thing, but gives you 2934209384 other problems to deal with. In other words, SIDE AFFECTS SUCK. I was better off taking an Iboprophin to take away the pain in my mouth.

@_@

2009-11-05T04:05:24Z

Today I only got to talk to my boyfriend for a really short time.
I really hope he doesn't get too busy for me.

The thought of him leaving me because he has too much in his life is unbaring and I would hope with everything that'll never happen.
It may sound selfish, but I honestly hope if it came down to giving something up because of his busy schedule, he'll give up the band he's in before he leaves me.

Okay.

2009-11-04T05:58:14Z

Something that really annoys me is when people who talk crap.
Today, one of my co-workers took it upon herself to say something negative about my boyfriend.
She said something along the lines of "that dirty punk kid"
I don't really CARE if you think he's cute, or looks clean or whatever.
It's really rude to say that even to me, because I will stand up for my boyfriend.

I simply told her to stop it.
For some reason, about 2 other of my co-workers also like to say negative things about him.
It's rude as shit, really.
I don't say ANYTHING about any of their boyfriends despite the fact that most of them are ugly and have no room to be talking crap about someone else's.

For the record, in my eyes I think Josh is attractive, cute and he's also really sweet, caring, loyal, he means a lot to me and I love him with every bone in my body. He makes me very happy and I am really glad I found someone who wants to share a full connection with me. I am happy I found someone who can cheer me up, someone who can make me feel like I'm special, someone who I can finally love and trust.

So in the end, your opinion about him is meaningless. You're not the one dating him, I am and I wouldn't trade him for anyone else.
Don't come out of absolutely nowhere, with your rude opinions. Next time I will say more than "stop it".
It's immature as hell and like I said, I don't just come up to you and start talking about your boyfriend, so I expect you to respect me and do the same. Talking crap about him is pretty much disrespecting me too.

I hate myself sometimes.

2009-11-03T05:23:31Z

I don't know why I'm always finding myself getting angry or grouchy or rampaging.
Today I got an attitude with my boyfriend.
He says it's alright, but I feel bad about it.
His phone fustrated me, because his phone half works so I got an attitude with HIM because of his phone which is out of his control.
I shouldn't have even got mad at the phone.

I was already feeling a bit grouchy because earlier today I was roller skating and my friend's dog was pulling me around and I fell and hurt myself a little badly. When I'm in pain, I tend to get frustrated and grouchy a little easier.

I do know that I have a bit of an anger issue though and I'm scared my anger issues is going to start to ruin my relationship with Josh. I get mad at little things too much. I need to work on that, but I don't know where to go to get help for my anger problems.